I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
