Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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