I think scott just propositioned me for sex
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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