Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
