When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
