I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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