my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
