I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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