I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
