i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
