My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
