I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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