Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
