I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize