guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
