What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
please come you make the beer taste better
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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