my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
