When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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