Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
