Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
