I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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