he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
