turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize