my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
