Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
