I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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