If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
