I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
