I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
