he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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