Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't put those talents on a resume
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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