What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize