OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
