Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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