pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
