Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
