How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
