I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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