I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
