So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
