So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
