my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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