"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
