i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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