he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
