shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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