If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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