Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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