Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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