If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
