Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
