benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
