i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
