see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
