is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
