Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
