Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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