"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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