Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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