Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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