Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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