He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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