Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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