I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
