if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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