first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
