i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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