you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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