The maid of honor just puked.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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