I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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