Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
